Delete-button

Doesn't everyone has something like a delete-button in their mind? I do, at least, and the delete-button in my mind has been just as active these past few weeks as the one on my keyboard.
My art teacher asked me a few days ago to redo a wooden panel I had been sawing the entire lesson.
I had an answer ready for her: "Well you can take this piece of wood and stick it up-"
I hastily chose to press DELETE in my mind and replaced it with a simple "OK."

S.K.* asked everyone in general at work today if someone wanted to go to a certain art exhibition with him.
What I wanted to say: "Yes, I'd love to. Totally. And I love your hair." (Btw, marry me. Haha just kidding.XD)
The delete-button in my mind went over those last few sentences (especially that last bit) and replaced it with: silence. After a few moments I said, 'Sorry, I already went.'

Thus is the magic of the delete-button.

I am SUCH a wimp. :)

*S.K. skinny kid with anime hair, otherwise known as some guy I like who I'm too much of a wuss to actually talk to.

World Press Photos & some thoughts on me.....

My weekend was pretty awesome. First, Mattie celebrated her birthday party on Friday night, which went on until about somewhere 2 o'clock in the morning. It was totally fun. She invited loads of people from school and also some exchange students from Macau. Unfortunately her brother was celebrating his birthday too, so all this little puberescent friends were being annoying, smoking alot and getting amazingly drunk.(Like falling-down-on-the-way-to-the-bathroom-smashing-things-climbing-trees- drunk. Know what I mean?) I slept over at Mattie's house along with her
Anyway.....today Dylan, Mattie and Maria (her little sister) when to Amsterdam to the World Press Photo exhibition. If you don't know what that is, it's a compilation of the best photojournalism chosen by a panel of experts each year.
After that we raided the Chinese supermarket in China Town, where Mattie bought this strangely yummy mochi ice cream (Japanese ice cream.) It's pretty hard to explain, it has a papery-like outside and an ice cream-like inside.

Everthing was fun and everything, but like everytime I do anything social (haha,) I'm always left with a feeling of awkwardness...like I've just made an ass out of myself, even when I haven't. When I'm around other people I'm so afraid of seeming strange or stupid that I try a little too much of my best to seem normal, so that's it's not natural anymore.
I was talking with Mattie's dad when he was bringing me home from her house. Her dad, who is a very frank person, said suddenly when we were discussing Erica (a friend of Mattie's): "She's always sure of herself. Like she's saying I'm here. You should work on that."
I didn't really know what to reply to that.
"Yeah, maybe I should."
"Your mother is a very confident person. You could learn something from her. It doesn't help you in the long run being so unsure of yourself the whole time."
Haha, yup her dad is always like that. So truthful about everything it is lamost unsettling. (I guess the world needs people like that though...we can't all be polite and afraid of hurting people's feelings.) I have always tried my best to hide my insecurity...I guess I'm not as good at it as I thought. Worst of all, he was right.
I laughed. "I guess so."
He went on. "You're pretty, and a nice girl...where does this insecurity come from? There's no need. Well it does make you seem sweet." He laughed, and I laughed along, but with a hint of sadness.

After that I didn't say anything. I didn't want to explain to him about how I was bullied at school for two years.
When he dropped me off at home I sat thinking about it for a long time. I remembered those two years, and how they robbed me of what little self-confidence as I has as a 12-year-old. Two years of silence. Two years of not having a single friend. To this day is still effects me in everything I do....I'm not still not 100% sure of myself with anything. I'm quite fast at putting myself down when I feel like I've made a mistake, which is usually most of the time.
I'm always surprised when people call me pretty. I get caught so off guard that people could see me in a such different light as I see myself....they look through their lens and call me pretty, I can look at myself through mine and tell myself I am not.


I knew those two years were absolutely awful, but I can only remember them quite vaguely. I think I blocked out everything. I can only remember flashes of memories, nothing more....thank God for that. I don't want to remember anything.

Will I ever one day start liking myself? We shall see.

Amazing stuff/ stuff that made me laugh this week..

Every week I usually stumble across something, from friends or on the internet, that truly makes me laugh out loud. Or something that really inspires me or makes me feel happy inside. So I'd like to make a collection of things I liked this week and make a collection of them here so these thoughts won't be lost.

1. Mattie's lemon tart

I gave her the idea for this recipe that I found on www.foodgawker.com She brought a piece to school and demn, it ws good. :P

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?pid=31286568&id=1202797376

That's the link there if you want to see this awesome cake :P

2. This blog from a very funny amateur cook. Not only is she witty (her blog motto is: ganing weight, one pastry at a time :P,) but she also has some pretty brilliant recipe ideas (Key Lime Pie cupcakes, anyone?) The title alone of some of the recipes makes you simeultaneously want to drool and hop on a treadmill and jog 5 kilometers.

I also find this picture on that site:



Amazing. XD The green thing on the left is a cactus, in case that wasn't clear.



3. Haha. I laughed out loud at this one. I did. Very loud.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-LMFAO-when-i-saw-these-suggestions-on-Google/112098212133819?ref=mf

Become a fan of this group on Facebook I LFMAO when I saw these suggestions on Google. You won't regret it.

4. The recipe for Earl Grey cupcakes. Yes, they exist. My favorite tea sort. :O

http://www.honeyandjam.com/2009/03/earl-grey-cupcakes-with-lemon-earl-grey.html

I'm going to so make these sometime. Don't tell me this doesn't look good.





And on the same site I found a lovely quote which I think is going to become one of my favorites. So the last one:

5.

Biology, Randomness. The Meaning of Life.

In biology we learned yesterday that most of the bees in a bee hive are female. Most males, when they are born, are simply useful to impregnate the Queen. After the deed they are driven outside out of the bee hive and left to die.
As disturbing as this is (hihi,) I also think it's quite interesting how the women are always on top in the animal kingdom. Women have the power. Females are the boss. Female prey mantises eat male prey matisses after mating. I guess you could say that with humans it's exactly the same way, except that we females are silly enough to let the men actually believe that they are in charge. (Maybe we should stop doing that....it gives them ideas.....)

To switch to a totally different subject, I think it's really time for a change. I've come to a conclusion that I really need to turn things around, preferably before we go on vacation to Florida. It's a kind of goal I have set for myself.
But what's wrong, you say? Well...just about everything. I've gotten extremely lazy lately with organization and planning of homework. The only way I'm getting by in school nowadays is because (not to sound conceited) I am a quick learner and have a lot of useless background knowledge stored in my brain. Otherwise I think my grades would have been terrible. My grades are OK right now, but I think they could be better.
And yeah.....there is of course, other stuff as well....but I think I will explain that in another post.

Bleh.....:P

Today is such a lazy, unproductive day and I have decided not to do anything. I did attempt to clean up my room/ do some homework, nothing really came out of any of these attempts, except perhaps that I am a couple of sums further with my economics homework. Oh well...it's Good Friday, mom is making gado-gado (Indonesian dish....a kind of salad with peanut sauce...it tastes better then it sounds) so we won't be eating meat.
I'm pretty sure my French test on Thursday went badly, but that is completely not my fault.....my French teacher was being horridly distracting. :O He was watering a plant in the windowsill during the test and it fell out the open window. On top of everything else, it was raining which added to the all-around hilarity.

Me:"I guess that plant's getting enough water now....."

The man is completely nuts. He does things like that every time we take a test, looking up pictures on the computer, making clicking noises or saying random things like, "I have so many papers to grade! Shall I kill myself?"
(Yes, he actually said that. I was tempted to say that he should and get it over with so I could finally finish my test in peace.)
Other news: My salary has just come in (all 103 euros) so now I can go on a shopping spreee!!!! Yay!! I think maybe I'll get Mattie to go to Amsterdam to shop with me.
Grr....perhaps I really should clean up my room....I know being unproductive today is going to cost me later, because I think I'm going to be busy the upcoming days. Somehow I still can't motivate myself....:P

My Valentine's Day Confession: Battlling the Winter Blues

I'm sitting here alone on Valentine's Day, with a major cold, sipping a cup of tea and attemting to recuperate from God-know's-what. I'm not really feeling too well. The problem is, I haven't been feeling too well for the last couple of months.
Truth is, I don't like the winter at all. I can't stand it. The whole winter long I'm sniffly, attempting to make it through the day with cups of tea and lots of tissues and vitamin pills. Winter is also extremely bad for my skin, and my eczema has been spreading itself throughout my body like some kind of bad disease. That's also the reason I haven't been using my super new cool webcam I got for Christmas lately (new...OK, it's been two months, but whatever,) because I don't actually want anyone to see what I look like at the moment.
Trust me, it's baaddddddddd.
Winter also shifts my mindset. It makes my brain settle down into a kind of foggy depression, and my energy level is generally very low. Winter also gives me dandruff, causes me to sleep badly, etcetera, etcetera...so if I'm ever grumpy, you know what my problem is. I always try to stay optimistic, though...it's almost March (half-way February) so the end is in sight. In the spring everything goes back to normal,and I go back to being happy and chipper again. :)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone, to everyone who is celebrating it.

Peace out,

Brooke

Merry Christmas. :D

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone. :D

Cheers!

Finally-CHRISTMAS VACATION HAS ARRIVED. :o

I haven't been more glad with having vacation then I am now.
I slept for 12 hours last night and I didn't even wake up feeling that refreshed. :O Talk about having to catch up on sleep.
But yeah...the last days before the vacation were fun. :)
Thursday it was: the Christmas dance. There are pictures of me on my school website, but I'd actually prefer not to post them here, seeing as I look a bit far gone. :)
Yes, I must admit, I did drink something. (Me already being 16, the legal drinking age in the Netherlands, I allowed myself a drink or two.) It wasn't that much, only two glasses of rose, but I'm not used to drinking alcohol and got very sleepy at the end when they were taking pictures. It was fun, though. The only annoying things were:

1. I can't really dance so I was just sort of moving along occasionally to make it look like I was making an effort (haha.)
2. I was standing underneath a balcony ( they were celebrating the dance in a rented room at a party center/bowling alley) where a couple of IDIOTS were pouring beer on people and my beautiful dress got covered in it.

But other then that, I thought it was great. Some people were so far gone it was hilarious. Raoul, this friend of mine, had drunk 9 beers and claimed he wasn't drunk.... (yeah right. I saw the way he was dancing and it was pretty clear to me. XD Sorry, Raoul, if you ever read this. Not that it was that bad....but the way you were dancing with Thirza was kind of questionable.)

The next day we had to be at school at 9(!) o'clock for Christmas breakfast with the class and we had to give a presentation. And remember, the dance lasted until one o' clock. We were a class full of zombies with bags under our eyes and major hangovers.
Ow. My poor abused brain.....

But yes. I'm home now and I can cuddle up on the warm couch by the christmas tree.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! :)

Love,

Brooke

Oh yeah.........

I was going to write about the Hague. I've been so terribly busy lately I haven't had time to breathe, eat, go to the bathroom properly (sorry...too much information...) floss or put on matching socks, let alone do something as properly useless as writing on a blog. Especially a blog very little people read except myself. :D But you never know, that might change one day...
Seeing as I don't have pictures (die horrible camera DIE) because I have a crappy-ass camera of which the battery dies every 5 minutes. I asked my dad for a camera last year
I must say, it was really awesome. :O
We went to Parlement, the Ministry of Defense, en the Haags Gemeente Museum (roughly translated, the County Museum of the Hague) where I saw works, close-up and personal, of artists like Cezanne, Piet Mondriaan (Dutchman, I'm glad some of his works are actually hanging in museums in the Netherlands) and Picasso.

I should actually be in bed right now (guility looks at the clock) and I promise, PROMISE, that I will actually write more useful things in my blog as soon as I have the time.( I still have to write about Sinterklaas, my awesome dress I got for the Christmas dance (which is Thursday) and perhaps fill out that interview I stole from Roseanne's blog. Not to mention do something about this freakish cheery Granny Smith lay-out, which is hurting my eyes.)

Next week is the start of the Christmas holidays so I'll have oceans of time to sip hot chocolate, crawl under a blanket, read War and Peace, or perhaps take time to write on my blog!

Yay, the Hague! :D

Right now it's 6:30 in the morning. I'm going on a school trip with my class to the Hague today, and we're going to Parlement and we get to interview people for a school project. It's going to be pretty cool. :) And we also get to go to some museums or another. But I'm in a bit of a hurry now so I will tell this all later.

'Til then,
Brooke

About Me

Anyone reading this blog might want to know something about me. So I'll give you a few facts.

I'm a multicultural sort of girl and am interested in different cultures, countries en languages. I have a love for writing and fashion. I am also a europhile and definitely an anglophile, because my TV is switched to the BBC more then it probably should be. :P I want to travel and see as much of the world as I can, which is also why I want to become a journalist.

Interests: writing, poetry, photography
Likes: poetry. fashion. life. love. Emily Dickinson. Shakespeare
Dislikes: rain. cycling in it. goat cheese.
Obsessions: Elizabeth I. Victorian/ Elizabethian era. James McAvoy. any movie with Keira Knightley in it. costume drama. anything British. peanut butter.

This is Halloween.....:O

Halloween is in a couple of days.
Sadly, they don't celebrate Halloween in the Netherlands. Which pretty much sucks, seeing as it is my favorite holiday. I'm celebrating it this year by watching a scary movie at a friend's house and stuffing myself with candy, but it's not quite the same.
What they do have here in Sint Maarten (5 November.) If you've ever attended Sunday School, you would know that St. Martin is the saint that ripped his coat in half and gave it to a beggar that turned out to be Jesus.
(He also got torn on a spit later on or something like that, but let's not get into details.)
Children celebrate it here the same way Halloween is celebrated in the U.S., except they don't dress up. What they do is carry hand-made paper lanterns from door-to-door because it's dark..... smart!
Unfortunately it's really only for children, as a 16-year-old I'd probably be called a creep and get thrown in the bushes by kindergarteners.

This Is It is coming out in the movie theaters prettttyyy soon (30 October, I think) so I'm planning to get around to seeing that as well. :O

Peace out,

xBrooke

ergh.

I'm not really OK, I keep lying to everyone.
(I doubt many people actually read this so I have a place to whine on without reprecussions...and I don't know how to spell that word, lol.)
The truth is, I'm ridicously homesick. Maybe it's strange to be homesick for a country (the U.S.) I have been away from for so long but the feeling simply. Truth be told, I don't fit in too well here. Especially not Hoofddorp, this horribly boring hole of a village I'm stuck in. At one point I was convinced everything was falling into place, now it's all mixed-up again, and I'm not quite sure if I can put it right.
Sometimes I frustrate myself: there's really nothing wrong with my life, so why do I always feel like there is? Why do I feel like crying all the time? It's that feeling of something being missing. Something intangible.
I'm sick of feeling like a foreigner, making mistakes and not being able to express myself in a language. In the U.S. sometimes I feel strange too, because no-one understands it when I ramble on about Dutch football(erm, soccer) or things like that, but at least it's easier to adapt. No accent to give me away.

And I miss alot of people. I guess I'm angry at all the people I've lost over the years, just because of stupid parents that decided to ship me all over the place like a lost package.
(The truth is I can't go back to the U.S., I don't have a choice, and I should just tell that to myself so I can stop hoping.)
Stupid war raging in my brain, not feeling at ease anywhere.
I don't know if it will ever be alright. But I can keep hoping.

Hello from Drenthe

Hello, I am typing this from a vacation park in Drenthe (a region in the southern part of the Netherlands) where we have been staying for the last week. Nice and green here, only place in the Netherlands where you actually see trees. And it's above sea level! :O
We're staying in an old farm house type thing, only problem is the moths, who seem to enjoy taking refuge in my closet.
Yesterday I met this tiny girl on the playground (hey,I was playing soccer with my many siblings) who seemed to think I was her new best friend. Now she won't leave me alone. Cute, really. Funny how making friends when you are little is so easy. You just hit someone in the head with a lego block and, bam! you've made a bond for life(or at least for the next few minutes.) You do that as a teenager and you get called a creep and get a stilletto in your eye....as an adult you would probably get arrested for assault.
But anyway, having a good time here. Can't type anymore because I don't have any more coins for the internet. 1 euro for 8 minutes, what a rip-off.

MJ's memorial

Let's get this straight:

I didn't cry.
Didn't shed a single tear.
OK, maybe choked up a bit when his daughter burst into tears. But who didn't. :)

I really liked Brooke Shield's speech (I've always liked her...and of course she has a cool name, hehehe) and how she got pretty emotional. You could tell she was really missing him.
The whole feeling of the memorial was kind of clearing of MJ'S name, blotting out all the bad everyone has ever said and overwhelming everyone with the good. He has done so many good things, only he doesn't go shoving it up everyone's nose like other celebrities so he can quietly donate to lots of charities.
But no-one ever thinks of that, do they? Most people just think of MJ as a creepy kid-touching hermaphrodite, which kind of pisses me off.
The songs were really nice, and that kid who sang Who's Loving You should totally get signed. He is amazing.

Michael Jackson was the best effing entertainer of the century.
Actually, ever.
Don't you people forget that.

Rest in peace Michael.

Peace out.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
- Brooke

Oh my gee.

I am getting quite addicted to two evils.

1. www.stardoll.com
I know it's very sad, but once you get on there, you never find your way back out.
Sadly, it's very fun.

2. looking at vans.com for shoes
Looking at that site renews my faith in God, seriously.
He has to be a good Lord to reward his creations with such effing awesome things.

http://shop.vans.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product2_10001_50606_10101_610870_-1

I want these shoes bad. Oh, materialistic me. I better find a way to make money pretty soon. DX

Summer has finally begun...

It's amazing how things can just turn around in a blink of an eye.
I'm over to the next grade, it's summer, and I have absolutely NOTHING to do.
And it feels great.
No obligations or responsibilities, no school, no grades to get up before the school year ends. I pretty much feel on top.

Things to look forward to:
1. My little cousin and aunt visiting from Sweden on Saturday.
2. Rotemy/Amalie coming in on the 5th
3. my piercing :) (I was allowed to get a cartilage piercing in my ear if I made it to the next grade. Well, now I have, so my mom can't say anything about it.)
4. 19 July, two weeks of vacation in Drenthe. I'm not actually sure if I should be looking forward to this, it could be dreadfully boring, because I've never been on vacation in my own country before.
5. 22 August.....of course, my own birthday.

Wish list (hopefully, some of these things I might get for my birthday):
1. a NEW CAMERA (my mama promised me this for my B-Day, I hope she follows through.)
2. posters/new curtains/calender to pimp up my room
3. an Apple iPod Nano (green)
4. a laptop...I'm not expecting this any time soon, I guess I have to save up for it with my own money.
5. a new bag for school...hopefully an Oilily.

http://www.speurders.nl/overzicht/sieraden-en-accessoires/tassen-en-koffers/nieuw-stijlvol-groen-roze-oilily-tas-oilily-tasje-30x21cm-46085344.html

MY BAG... *wantswantswants*




6. a new agenda for next year....hopefully I'll be able to make a decision before then!!

Have a nice vacation, everyone!!!

-Brooke xoxoxo

Hahaha.........seriously...

Well, I was looking up ingredients for making brownies yesterday (I wanted to make some for my class) and found something pretty amusing.



Gawd. If you want to lose weight, don't eat brownies ,fat ass. XD
And I am now out of school, btw. Yay!!!! Vacation!!! Freeedom!!!

Well, My First Post :p

Hey!

Dunno really why I fancied making a blog. I dunno if anyone will read it. :) But yeah......



Valuble things I have learned in the past week:



facebook> myspace

the Cold War was actually pretty hefty (don't ask.....history class)

the Dutch government should make the school year shorter or I'm going to go insane



I'm still in school. -.-

And unfortunately, next week is exams week which is causing me some %$@#$ stress. :P

So I have to get a good grade in my TWO test for math (yes, that's right) or I'm going to fail it and I won't go to the next grade.

But besides that, no pressure. :O